5th of november

at 7pm walked to sushi king at jaya one from asiajaya.

the distance is short but i felt it is so long...

i keep asked why i like walked forever but still cant reach

there yet... the more i asked... i felt my eyes getting wet...

and then i only know why...

today happened a lot of stuff... its hurt but i just cant say it out.. :(

i notice, that i almost cry for a few time today, firstly, in the bus, then at lrt

then on the way to sushi king as i mention just now

and finally in my own bed writing this blog :(

am i such a crybaby? hahah i feel i am...

at the bus i felt like crying is because when i asked her through the phone.

i asked "do you feel better today"

and she answered "no"

thats when my tears are starting flowing out...

i was so angry.. why is she sick and yet she must come out..

i dun get it!.. if she wan i can bring her go anytime anywhere as long she is recover

and healthy... okay fine this time.. i wanted to see how is she also...

although i can let the 1st go... but who knows?

in the evening... we played pool... at 1st was fun even though i kept losing...

then here comes the bad news... she receive news that she will having her 2nd quiz tomorrow.

then i was like... okay~

then she and my fren.... keep revising.. suddenly i felt i lost the power to speak to follow up,

or even help out... i felt they live 1000miles away even they are just in front of me.

if i had not made the wrong decision this will not happen. there is 1 moment i felt like just throw the cue, just grab my stuff and went off just like that... really really want to...

its like a humiliation to me... a real hurting my heart type HUMILIATION!

at the end i just endure and hold back my tears.

the third time is when i walked alone in the dark... and when i think back. tears just flow naturally.

when its all the emotion comes and cramped in together it make me felt like just jump out to the road and let the car crush me.

lastly is when i writing this blog... before i write this blog i logged in her account..

watched some of her comment... and i shouldn't watch her chat box but i did... well theres a guy.... maybe i think too much... this guy recently talks to her a lot... in short im jealous, im afraid... other than this i saw something else too but i dun want to conclude this until i confirmed it myself.... before this she says this kind of similar things to me before... i thought i will not have this kind of feeling but what goes around really comes around...

after all this i felt im such a selfish bastard... am i even a good boyfriend?

sometime i get too emotion or even too narrow minded..

im such a good for nothing guy... i even so selfish that i thought of locking her away...

but i cant do that. now i just can keep it under my heart and let it pass.

ALWAYS TAP MY OWN SHOULDER AND TELL MYSELF JUST TRY YOUR BEST.