25th november 2011

today woked up in the morning baring the feeling of sadness from last wednesday

once go to living room i get to heard my mothers complain again.

instantly i feel so sick that feel like just scold her shut up once and for all.

but i didn. i have no choice but to listen and just act nothing.

starting to realise not everything is within my hand to be control by me.

therefore, i remain silence and just went back to my room. hide in the room and watch drama the whole day.

but knewing her went out to play. i just felt very bored. worry but cant show out

the more she call me dun worry i get even more worry.

sometime feel like scolding u one time. somehow i dun want tell u or scold you

instead i wan u to realise this matter. hope you will soon bii.

confrontation.

wednesday 23 november 2011

today is the day that change my life once and for all.

have a conversation with my father..

he see me like moody for a few months already..

and force me to say out actually what is my problem?

so long i have endure and kept all the things to myself i have spilt out all

everything i dislike, every problem, every request..

all i have say out..

talked for hours.... and finally came to a conclusion.. which i can do what i want

and i decide my own life. because of this i can finally relieve a bit.

at least i got my father support and what i left is my mother side.

i hope i get to hold her hand, hug her, kiss her infront of my family.

i wish it came as fast as possible because im tired of hiding and lie.

but on that day. i have not eaten a single thing..

i could not find the appetite to eat anymore.

bii~ on the same day we both get sad... but i get more sad because of you :(

because u dunno what has really happen and take things joking.

and because of this also i cannot blame u completely..

just want you to realise i have gone through a really hard day for you and me...

hope u understand..

do you know?

everything seems fine when u away... theres nothing i can or i could do.

you told me not to worry so much. okay i try to do that so i played games.

when u came back, u called me bii...

i feel so soft when i see this, answered u.... but scold me out of the blue.

asked u why? but u dun wan say.. do you know? i was in the middle of a game?

i totally gave up in that game when i see ur sentence

i lose because of you... but i dun blame u.. because im always ready to give up anything for you... and i happy that i lose so that i can finally stop

playing the game. share to you.. got scolded... bii... on that moment i dunno what u thinking anymore. the more i ask you.. the slower u reply makes me feel more frustrated.

i just cant get it... :(

i just want you to know u always have my full attention... i just want ur as well not all the time.... can u give me yours...?

:(

20th of November.

went back to my hometown in the morning with my family

except my father and eldest bro...

have our breakfast instant.. somehow this breakfast will never be a normal

breakfast for we alll every time we are here.

why? haha because the dumpling we will order like nobody's matter

cant get this? in short we ordered 200 piece of dumpling~ for 5 of us...

sounds crazy buts its true @@

50 piece per bowl @@ haha

and this is how 50 piece dumpling in a bowl looks like

but guess what is only cost rm 30 for 200 piece haha where to find u tell me~

other than this we have other purpose la of course... which is

for my little nephew new born dinner~

haha whenever i thing of this.... i still cant believe i have become an uncle to them in

family status... omg... time flew by fast.. the time i know i have become an uncle to them is

when im 14 years old... and now i am 19... :) now they are big but this year

im have become their uncle back.

well this is she~ she is small but she was cute ><

sorry for not taking more picture of her... haiz kinda regret now :(

it may be a good day for everyone but not for someone i guess. sigh*

well its a bad day for my 4th bro...

kinda pity him now think back....

well guess why he so sad?

well its because he receive a call and telling him that his car is hitted by someone.

and the worst is, its happen when he is not around... :(

oh well~ the story goes like this

my eldest bro took the car without his permission and crash..

anything taken without permission is consider as steal eh? well i guess u can put it

that way.... dunno what to say eh? so do he...

at the end he kept scolding till we reach home...

there is nothing he can do now...

it already happen.

take 1#

take 2#

take 3#

although this happen. i gone through an interesting night too..

which is i drive home that night.

gone through the taste of driving through countryside road, uphill and downhill, and highway
in 1 night panic and interesting ^^

the distance is 150km ++

its a good experience i can say.. ><

but i wonder... if i kena road block then im done ;)

haha because i drove without sticking P sticker in the car...

but its not the 1st time of course XD heheh

and i guess thats all for today.... haha

its a long day :D

lovely~~

the sad has passed ^^

all have been solved.

now i feel that we are stronger now :)

lets keep it this way forever <3

this pass 10 days i feel like it went so fast ><

passed up assignment 1 and now going to pass up assignment 2 too..

thx my dear for filling the rest of my time making me feel occupy all the time :)

love u so much...

went a lot of place recently... of course i have went a lot of place before

but not on public transport ^^

learned a lot way to go many place. haha felt that i can go anywhere anytime :)

no one can stop me especially when going to meet my dear ><.

although 11/11/11

we went out, but cant get to see the movie we planned for...

still i always felt good whenever she around :)

now i do is waiting... waiting for something interesting ^^ coming up.

praying ><

quotes...

hanged around facebook recently.... saw some quotes

and found that.. some of them are really quite true...

as like...

even though i act nothing happen... but its actually hurt deep in the heart.

starting to feel it badly...

just that my case is abit different. i hurt even nothing happen....

what is this? i dun get it..

or i should say i dun get myself edi...

gloomy day....

saturday.. woke up in the morning and on-ed my laptop instant.. look around

and noticed my blog has been seen by someone...

then i wonder if she is the one who saw it?.. im felt very scared... i wonder would the last post affect her studying mood? she got another quiz today....

never expect that... she have seen it so early... everything i wrote inside this blog is for her,..

im not afraid she will read this... because its always from the bottom of my heart, my feel for her...

i purposely post it up in midnight is because i know she will see that when she got home from her

daily classes... thats mean she can take her quiz with no worry without knowing my feel for that day yet... but it doesn't turn out to what i expect...

sorry darl... i should have post it today rather than on friday..

i felt very bad if i really affect ur study mood for your quiz... so sorry :(

although everything has been cleared and settled but

today we dun get to chat much... maybe its my bad,..

i hope tomorrow will be fine...

P.S rest more ba darl.. hearing u cough always hurt my heart,,, i will always pray for you too stay healthy.... Love You Darl... Always do.

5th of november

at 7pm walked to sushi king at jaya one from asiajaya.

the distance is short but i felt it is so long...

i keep asked why i like walked forever but still cant reach

there yet... the more i asked... i felt my eyes getting wet...

and then i only know why...

today happened a lot of stuff... its hurt but i just cant say it out.. :(

i notice, that i almost cry for a few time today, firstly, in the bus, then at lrt

then on the way to sushi king as i mention just now

and finally in my own bed writing this blog :(

am i such a crybaby? hahah i feel i am...

at the bus i felt like crying is because when i asked her through the phone.

i asked "do you feel better today"

and she answered "no"

thats when my tears are starting flowing out...

i was so angry.. why is she sick and yet she must come out..

i dun get it!.. if she wan i can bring her go anytime anywhere as long she is recover

and healthy... okay fine this time.. i wanted to see how is she also...

although i can let the 1st go... but who knows?

in the evening... we played pool... at 1st was fun even though i kept losing...

then here comes the bad news... she receive news that she will having her 2nd quiz tomorrow.

then i was like... okay~

then she and my fren.... keep revising.. suddenly i felt i lost the power to speak to follow up,

or even help out... i felt they live 1000miles away even they are just in front of me.

if i had not made the wrong decision this will not happen. there is 1 moment i felt like just throw the cue, just grab my stuff and went off just like that... really really want to...

its like a humiliation to me... a real hurting my heart type HUMILIATION!

at the end i just endure and hold back my tears.

the third time is when i walked alone in the dark... and when i think back. tears just flow naturally.

when its all the emotion comes and cramped in together it make me felt like just jump out to the road and let the car crush me.

lastly is when i writing this blog... before i write this blog i logged in her account..

watched some of her comment... and i shouldn't watch her chat box but i did... well theres a guy.... maybe i think too much... this guy recently talks to her a lot... in short im jealous, im afraid... other than this i saw something else too but i dun want to conclude this until i confirmed it myself.... before this she says this kind of similar things to me before... i thought i will not have this kind of feeling but what goes around really comes around...

after all this i felt im such a selfish bastard... am i even a good boyfriend?

sometime i get too emotion or even too narrow minded..

im such a good for nothing guy... i even so selfish that i thought of locking her away...

but i cant do that. now i just can keep it under my heart and let it pass.

ALWAYS TAP MY OWN SHOULDER AND TELL MYSELF JUST TRY YOUR BEST.