awake from the dream of dream..

what do you all think about this?
i see this sentence as a way of life where every stage in the dream
have your shadow, your personal in it and the personal is not really yourself.
the moment when u wake up from the dream, you kill your own personal.

i just kill part of me today. A me who kepts a lot of memories within.
but i know will never able to kill him completely. so i just left this blog as
a jail for him. lets hope i can hold him for awhile so that i can do the things i wanted to do all the time now.

the 12th day...

i would never expect to write this post but at the end i chose to write as well.
i never thought that i would be this depressed when i wrote this post...
today is the 12th day i live without her.. after the day i finally accept to break up. it seems fast yet i felt very slow as well the time passed..
hided at home as much as possible thought i could hinder myself from remind about the past but who knows i thought even more about her. i like can see her from every corner in my house.

i thought even deeper.. i kept asking myself... why do i feel this way?
am i really that like her? or am i just being stubborn?
even till now i cant find the answer. whenever comes to this kind of situation. the old me would have go for a trip along bares a title in mind which is 'the journey to search for myself'. the location would be genting a place where i consider that i have grown up at and a place which is near to my hometown. i believe it kept my original self...

somehow yesterday staying at my house in genting for a night.. i felt nothing. instead i found myself so pathetic and foolish. if i really get to choose again, i would have choose to go somewhere far.. maybe a place along with beach.. beautiful scenary and maybe waterfall where i could meditate to find or create my new self by asking to the nature.

before comes to this step i felt that i was bounded with a lot of factors, problem and the need of solution to all the matters i faced now before i can choose to walk this path. felt that this path will brings me unlimited lonely but it may give myself a result that is good enough to walk the rest of my life or until im lost again.

so far i felt all is not important... but what important is how i should face the world right now.. and i shall concentrate my studies now..

after this post i shall i kept this blog active or shall i shut this down.. i shall lets fate decided...

good things keep falling together

after birthday celebration, whats follow next is CHRISTMAS eve.
went to one utama with her of course. watched the movie name 'the muppets'
kinda funny, and kinda brings back the memories of my childhood.. haha funny eh?
well after that i expect dinner but she have to be home early to have dinner with her family.

during that day, things seems going fine but
there a few moment its very awkward... she seems extremely sleepy on that day.
i know she have done a lot of things in the past few day and cause her feel tired.
sometime its just make me feel rather that im the one who bored her or forcing her to a date.. but luckily at the end of the day its turns out to be fine..
thx for ur accompany my dear. :)
merry christmas dear~

well after christmas eve whats awaits me is the selection of my path once again.
which is exam. whether i can move to another stage of my life is depends on this exam. woke up at 6 in the morning, had dinner and fetch my brother to work. reached campus at 8am waited for loojian my classmate at oldtown..
that day is a day that i have drank most coffee in my life.
no choice i have to kept myself awake to revise for exam later on.
very nervous even till the moment i have complete my exam and passed up.
well i guess effort pays off.. every question in the exam i am able to done well
thats means what? i am leaving here and will be heading to setapak kl.

it has been my dream for the past three month. i have long awaited for it..
we finally can study together and see each other more already dear... :)
i can awaits it to come faster XD

but now there a series of event coming soon eh? countdown lets enjoy before university starts schooling oh yeah!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR~~!! WOOOHOOOO~

surprise, and a amazing day given by bii...

what pass has passed.
i guess i shouldn't bring the past emotion to my big day eh?
looks like understanding is a very important thing to have in a party.
the understanding she gave me are very convincing yet supporting.
i'm hereby to apologize to what i did before...
forgive me ya ;)

12/12/2011
my big day arrive!
my long awaited birthday~
last year i have make a wish
glad that it came true... :)
my wish is not to celebrate my own birthday alone anymore.
this year my dear(bii) has celebrated with me.
leaved house at 9am in the morning to fetch her and towards the time square.
however traffic jam occurs and i reach her house around 10.15 to pick her and 11 something when reached time square.

well quess what? i gets my present from our sultan selangor XD hahaha
just joking... :) its just lucky his birthday fall on a day before me and its on sunday so that replacement is made, holiday extended to monday which is my day.
hahah >< reached there walked around to shopping because she wanted to buy me a shirt as present. well i like it so much because its picked by her and no one has bought me shirt as a present before ;) you are the 1st :D
this is the 1st time i receive a present not from family or friend but is my dear...
the shirt was bought and i have worn immediately.
thx bii :)




thx for the present bii <3



does it looks okay?
omg i just like this shirt so much >< <3

then she say she hungry but who knows, there is something behind this lunch..><
purposely make me sit facing away from the entrance of the restaurant. Not too long here comes the surprise... he brought 2 of my best friends to join for our lunch meanwhile celebrating with us together... i never know she could hide all this things so well
but i like it ^^ she might think that its to simple for this kind of planning but i want to tell you... no matter how simple the surprise might be... if its was planned by her and she have tried.. i will give hundred mark for every one of it.. XD



thats me wishing XD



thx for coming to celebrating for me... ><



thx for the cake :)



LETS CUT CAKE! XD

after that, we wanted to go for movie but the movie we want to watch run out of ticket and time has gone off due to the lunch was spend too much time on it...
she look rather disappointed >< but i will never want to see her like this so lets change place because i believe we can watch this show if we never give up..
so we have gone to wangsa walk for it. Luckily the cinema there have plenty... PLENTY! i was wondering.. why time square full but not here... =.='
i guess this pays off my determination to watch that movie >< haha
after the movie have to send her back since she got meeting... haiz... it was never felt good whenever sending her home but the god is being fair to me where that night the weather stays clear... all these years every day of my birthday it has always rain but this year has not... maybe because of her eh? haha



the movie ticket... magic to win ><



lets go home =D
thanks for everything you have done... >,< love you so much.

寂寞

this 2 words means lonely..

yes which is what im trying to say in this post.

everyday wake up bath, sleep, study, play, surf net, watch tv, but all this can be change but there is 1 thing i cannot change till now.

what could it be? its 1 word called "wait"

everyday i been waiting.... waiting for someone special in my life..

but i wonder does she know that im waiting for her?

i hope so because my situation is like hanging on to a rope, hard to breathe, and the rope is tied by her... so tight.

its been 2 week we never seen each other. After the cold fight, situation turns more worst without her notice. im willing to give u anything and everything. all i need is just more concern from you. do you know? i just want some of your time.

do u wish to see me? do you miss me?

i put u at my 1st place... but are you?

i need you but do you need me?

this 2 week i felt neglected. i even felt im not important to you anymore.

i surrender. you win.

is loving you making me as a loser.

if im became a loser for you would you stay by my side forever?

if like this.. im willing. :'(

please stop making things like im not important anymore. please.

25th november 2011

today woked up in the morning baring the feeling of sadness from last wednesday

once go to living room i get to heard my mothers complain again.

instantly i feel so sick that feel like just scold her shut up once and for all.

but i didn. i have no choice but to listen and just act nothing.

starting to realise not everything is within my hand to be control by me.

therefore, i remain silence and just went back to my room. hide in the room and watch drama the whole day.

but knewing her went out to play. i just felt very bored. worry but cant show out

the more she call me dun worry i get even more worry.

sometime feel like scolding u one time. somehow i dun want tell u or scold you

instead i wan u to realise this matter. hope you will soon bii.

confrontation.

wednesday 23 november 2011

today is the day that change my life once and for all.

have a conversation with my father..

he see me like moody for a few months already..

and force me to say out actually what is my problem?

so long i have endure and kept all the things to myself i have spilt out all

everything i dislike, every problem, every request..

all i have say out..

talked for hours.... and finally came to a conclusion.. which i can do what i want

and i decide my own life. because of this i can finally relieve a bit.

at least i got my father support and what i left is my mother side.

i hope i get to hold her hand, hug her, kiss her infront of my family.

i wish it came as fast as possible because im tired of hiding and lie.

but on that day. i have not eaten a single thing..

i could not find the appetite to eat anymore.

bii~ on the same day we both get sad... but i get more sad because of you :(

because u dunno what has really happen and take things joking.

and because of this also i cannot blame u completely..

just want you to realise i have gone through a really hard day for you and me...

hope u understand..