the 12th day...

i would never expect to write this post but at the end i chose to write as well.
i never thought that i would be this depressed when i wrote this post...
today is the 12th day i live without her.. after the day i finally accept to break up. it seems fast yet i felt very slow as well the time passed..
hided at home as much as possible thought i could hinder myself from remind about the past but who knows i thought even more about her. i like can see her from every corner in my house.

i thought even deeper.. i kept asking myself... why do i feel this way?
am i really that like her? or am i just being stubborn?
even till now i cant find the answer. whenever comes to this kind of situation. the old me would have go for a trip along bares a title in mind which is 'the journey to search for myself'. the location would be genting a place where i consider that i have grown up at and a place which is near to my hometown. i believe it kept my original self...

somehow yesterday staying at my house in genting for a night.. i felt nothing. instead i found myself so pathetic and foolish. if i really get to choose again, i would have choose to go somewhere far.. maybe a place along with beach.. beautiful scenary and maybe waterfall where i could meditate to find or create my new self by asking to the nature.

before comes to this step i felt that i was bounded with a lot of factors, problem and the need of solution to all the matters i faced now before i can choose to walk this path. felt that this path will brings me unlimited lonely but it may give myself a result that is good enough to walk the rest of my life or until im lost again.

so far i felt all is not important... but what important is how i should face the world right now.. and i shall concentrate my studies now..

after this post i shall i kept this blog active or shall i shut this down.. i shall lets fate decided...